Thursday, March 31, 2016
For those who don't feel like God speaks to them I have to say that I used to feel the same way (heck, sometimes I still do). But I'm learning (slowly) that whenever I feel this way it is almost always because I'm doing my own thing...not reading His word regularly, being more focused on Facebook, or the kids' schedule or planning meals or grocery lists or running errands than I am with spending some time in God's word. When I'm just letting life happen like this and then happen to open the Bible or read a devotion sometimes it just feels/felt like I am/was reading a foreign language or just completing a task or chore for the day.
Last night I begged God for peace and calm. Instead of watching tv before bed, doing tons of research or wasting hours on Facebook, I opened my Bible, read a little (not a lot...I didn't spend hours on it), wrote in my prayer journal and then laid down and turned off the lights. And for the first night in weeks I was able to get more than 3-4 hours of sleep. I've been waking up several times a night for the past few weeks and would be up for hours at a time, unable to go back to sleep. Hashing through not only this hair issue that we're dealing with right now but all the things I did wrong or could have done better or spoken more gently or acted with more kindness. Am I feeding the kids the right diet? Why did I snap when she wouldn't get in her car seat? Why did I feel like I needed to nag the Italian about whatever? etc, etc, etc...So the 7 hours of sleep I got last night was a game changer for sure.
After I got up this morning, I opened my Jesus Calling devotional to today's date and felt like God had written it himself just for me. This is not the first time I've felt this way. Several times a week I wonder how in the world He knew that I would need to read this on this particular day.
I scribble all over my book and purposely chose the version withOUT the scriptures written in it so that I have to look them up in my own Bible. I then write them in my book because I personally learn better by writing than by reading. My mind wanders when I read but when I write it down I'm much more focused.
Some things that it said today that really struck me were:
"Sometimes My blessings come to you in mysterious ways: through pain and trouble. At such times you can know My goodness only though your trust in Me. Understanding will fail you, but trust will keep you close to Me.
Thank Me for the gift of My Peace, a gift of such immense proportions that you cannot fathom its depth or breadth. When I appeared to My disciples after the resurrection, it was Peace that I communicated first of all. I knew this was their deepest need: to calm their fears and clear their minds. I also speak Peace to you, for I know your anxious thoughts....
...I designed you to dwell in Peace all day, every day. Draw near to Me: receive my Peace."
What the what??? Was this a gift from God or what? I had to smile as soon as I read it. He speaks when I am ready and AVAILABLE to listen. He is God, not a fairy with a magic wand. His desire is for us to WANT to draw near to Him and when we do amazing things happen.
As a sidenote regarding Nicolette, her silk pillowcase (I call it her princess pillowcase) came in yesterday and she slept on it for the first time last night. I anxiously went to get her out of bed this morning and not a single lost hair on it! HALLELUJAH!!!! After several days of seeing so much hair on the pillowcase that sweet gift of not seeing any shed hair was a huge relief to this worried mama. Thank you God for that!