Princess of Darkness

So I'm generally a happy person. I wouldn't say perky, but definitely a glass half full kind of gal. Sometimes I think I live in my own fairy tale world where there are no "bad guys", unicorns do exist and every good little girl gets her happy ending. I have a unique ability to live in denial at times, ignoring the fact that there are bad people in the world or that bad things happen to good people. The Italian says that I remind him of Princess Giselle from the movie "Enchanted", not only the red hair (totally awesome at the age of 34 to finally have a red headed heroine to look up to other than Ariel in "The Little Mermaid"), but her incessant, and almost annoying sense of optimism and that deep down all is working out for GOOD. I can see how this gets annoying, and I recognize it WHILE it's happening....for example....the Italian's had a bad day, boss is giving him a hard time (old, old job....he liked his last boss and likes his current boss now too), any way he'll just want to vent and complain and I can't take it. As he's complaining about said boss ( insert friend, family member, whatever), I jump into defending the person that he's complaining about because I refuse to believe that anyone is deliberately trying to be an A-hole....surely he/she has SOMETHING going on in his/her life that is causing him/her to act out, talk down or whatever the problem is. Now this drives him absolutely BONKERS! And I totally get it, he wants someone to have sympathy or empathy and I do, but I don't want to think anything bad about the other person, so I spend more time psychoanalyzing the antagonist than I do actually listening to what he's saying. I find myself doing the same thing with my employees at work...whenever something is bad or going wrong the "Annie" in me comes out and I do everything short of bursting into a stellar rendition of "The Sun'll Come Out Tomorrow" to help justify whatever the situation is. (hey there's another redhead to look up to, but I don't think she counts cause of the 'fro...I could definitely never pull of that look) Lately however my Miss Mary Sunshine personality has been introduced to a creepy alter ego which I'm affectionately calling "THE PRINCESS OF DARKNESS" (PoD). As hard as I try to keep my chin up, not obsess and not overanalyze the what, how, where and why's of this journey, the Princess just keeps sticking her long, pointy nose all up in my business and filling my head with all of these doubts, questions and self defeating talk...now I don't want to brush over this lightly because there is some pretty heavy (and scary) stuff residing in the Princess's warped mind (I'll save that for later), but recently all she wants to talk about is "Why me? I must have down some (or lots of) REALLY bad things for God to punish me this way.". She's even bold enough to say, "You know this IVF stuff isn't going to work...you're going to spend all of this time, energy and money and still walk away with nothing, so you might as well get used to it, don't waste your emotions on getting excited about it because it isn't going to work.". And another beauty, "your husband probably regrets marrying a defect like you.". (he assures me this isn't true, but the PoD sure does have a loud voice) Now the good princess Giselle/Ariel/Annie in my knows that God doesn't "punish" his followers that way....he doesn't even punish non believers that way. There is a master plan out there that he has designed especially for me, but this Princess of Darkness seems to be speaking louder and louder everyday. I hate her and the thing that angers me the most is that she's always been there inside of me ready to poke her ugly little head out when things aren't going my way...and sometimes even when they are. Ugh...PoD go away...you are a PoS! Okay enough of all of that time to throw on my tiara, hop on my unicorn and get back to my real life which is perfect...at least perfect for me because I'm exactly where God wants me to be today.