My 2ww

2ww normally stands for the dreaded 2 week wait - the time lapse between ovulation and either a positive pregnancy test or Aunt Flo's cursed arrival.  This 2 week wait is different, my 2ww was a 2 week walk with Jesus.  I picked a scripture to meditate on each day.  That Bible is full of meaningful and inspirational messages.  If you're not into it, you're definitely missing out.  I highly recommend spending time daily in God's word!!!   And need to be more disciplined with doing so myself, even when I'm not begging for a blessing from God.


So here is my 2 week walk, scripture by scripture....


Day #1 (Transfer Day)
"Do not be anxious for anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus."  Phillipians 4:6-7


Day #2
"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful."  Hebrews 10:23


Day #3
"If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer."  Matthew 21:22


Day #4
"To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven."  Ecclesiastes 3:1
*shared with me by a friend - perfectly suited for that day!


Day #5
"Again I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven.  For where two or three come together in my name, there I am with them."  Matthew 18:19


Day #6
"And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son.  You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it."  John 14:13-14


Day #7
‎"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11


Day #8
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6


Day #9
“For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.” Matthew 17:20
*shared with me by a friend - perfectly suited for that day!


Day #10
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13


Day #11
"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will grant you the desires of your heart."  Psalm 37:4


Day #12 (Test Day)
"You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit--fruit that will last.  Then the father will give you whatever you ask in my name."  John 15:16


So now we're at the end of our 2ww and Praise the Lord the news thus far is positive.  I hesitated as to whether or not share the news as I know what a delicate time this is, but I have been so thankful for all of the love, support and prayers that we've received from you all that it didn't seem complete without sharing the happy news with all of you who have been kind enough to share your prayers with us.  So please know that we are optimistic and committed to celebrating each and every victory.  We have a long ways to go, but are so happy for the gift that has been given to us at this moment.  Praying that this early, early, early pregnancy will continue successfully over the next 8 months (God willing)!  


Love and blessings to you all!    

To pee, or not to pee..THAT is the question.

Crass, I know (sorry mom & dad). But now that I'm less than one week away from my first pregnancy test with the Dr. my thoughts are consumed with whether or not I should POAS (Pee On A Stick...I.e. Take a home pregnancy test) BEFORE the formal test on November 4th.

I have lots of IVF sisters and almost all of them did "cheat" before the actual Dr.'s office. The Italian is strongly ANTI-pre testing, he's also anti obsessing and overanalyzing so we're obviously total opposites on that front.

I'm scheduled for a baseline blood test on November 4th (God willing that Aunt Flo doesn't schedule a trip to town prior to that date (stay away Flo! You are a totally unwelcome house guest!). From that test, hopefully my hcg levels are nice and high so that they can confirm pregnancy (yay). After that baseline test, I believe I have to go in for two more blood tests (approximately every other day). To ensure that my hcg levels are rising at the correct rate (approximately doubling every 2-3 days). So the good news is that I'll be testing in less than a week. The bad news is that won't find out while I'm there. They'll process the bloodwork at the lab and then call me at work with the (*hopefully good*) news.

I've decided (for now) that I am NOT going to, cheat and test early (I reserve the right to change my mind on this, hourly if necessary). There are a few reasons for this...

1. My main motivation for "cheating" would be to emotionally prepare myself in case of a negative response. I mean, who wants to receive unexpected potentially devastating news at work? But since I am 100% committed to maintaining a POSITIVE mindset and I honestly DO have faith that this will work I am refusing to feed in to the Princess of Darkness's temptation on this one.
2. As a part of my treatment I had to give myself low dose hcg injections throughout my stimulation phase. This medication can take 5-14 days to circulate out of my system depending on how my body metabolizes all of the meds. So I could receive a false positive home pregnancy test as a result of this. I can hardly think of anything more devastating than having the false assurance of the HPT only to get a different report from the dr. And I honestly want my first ever positive test to be an actual POSITIVE. As someone who has never seen the mythical double pink lines, plus sign or "pregnant" response, I want to make sure that my first positive is the real deal!
3. Patience is a virtue right? And one that will be much needed when we become parents, so I'm considering this a training exercise in patience.
4. No matter what the HPT says I won't have OFFICIAL confirmation until the 4th, so why torture myself?
5. I kind of relate this back to the agony of waiting to open Christmas presents at our house. I had some friends whose parents allowed them to open a present a day or a few gifts before the holiday...not the Gulbransons. My parents were anti opening presents before the holiday (thankfully we opened family gifts on Christmas Eve and then Santa visited that night and we opened Santa gifts on Christmas Day). So here I sit staring at my Christmas presents for another 6 days...counting down the minutes until it's time to open them. I'm sure it will make the news all that much sweeter when it does come!

And please pardon any typos...my MacBook Pro is broken and writing and proofreading on the iPad is proving to be a bit challenging. The autocorrect on this thing is vigilant and "corrects" the craziest things.

Wednesday...and then some

So Wednesday is THE DAY. Our retrieval is scheduled for 10am Wednesday morning. I can hardly believe that it's here (almost). Things have been going incredibly well...positive reports from the docs at all of my monitoring visits and now we just have to pray that the retrieval, fertilization and transfer go just as smoothly, if not even moreso. After the retrieval, the embryologist will fertilize the eggs through a process called ICSI. After that, we'll get daily updates regarding the number and "grading" of all viable embryos. Then somewhere between 3 and 5 days they'll transfer up to 2 embryos (God willing that we have two beautiful, healthy embryos). Then we once again have the dreaded 2ww - two weeks of WAITING = pure agony.

I'm so thankful that things have gone so well up until this point...I feel almost guilty for praying for things to continue going this well...I've been so blessed already, I feel like I'm always asking God for "just a little but more.". Sometimes when I say my prayers at night I feel like a little girl praying for a barbie doll or a pony (or the Easy Bake Oven I NEVER got for Christmas)...I hope it doesn't come across that way to God...

37 hours (not that I'm keeping track).

Frankie Say RELAX!

I can NOT begin to count how many people have told me in how many different ways that if we would just "relax" that everything may fall into place and we'd be just fine. As an optimist myself, I love hearing this, however....easier said than done! For all of those loved ones out there who are worried about my inability to relax, I promise, I'm TRYING to "relax" (sounds like an oxymoron right?)

I am naturally a tightly wound, obsessive compulsive control freak (some may lovingly use the phrase "anal retentive"), so relaxing is not my strong suit....and that drives me bananas because I am also type A, bonafide overachiever/people pleaser, so to realize that my attempts at making myself relax are not only not succeeding but also that other people are noticing that I'm not succeeding at that attempt and could potentially be disappointed with me for the "failure" is making me crazy which again sort of defeats the relaxation attempts. So I'll work on it - promise.

Anyways - so we're 8 days down and 6 days to go - more than halfway through the 2 week wait - HOORAY!!! I'll tell ya it hasn't been easy this go round...something is different ~ I feel flat out CRUMMY! I don't know if it's side effects from the injectables or what - but my body is not happy with this last round of medicine and the IUI. I feel and look like a blowfish (hubby swears that I don't look like one - but I think he's just afraid of what will happen if he agrees with my assessment). And it's not just the blowfish syndrome, it actually hurts and is very uncomfortable, all sorts of weird "twinges" and cramps all through the day and night.

I of course have self diagnosed myself (via google searches) with OHSS...Ovarian Hyper Stimulation Syndrome (which is not a good thing). This basically means that your internal lady parts (ovaries) have become overstimulated and incredibly swollen due to the fertility meds. This can be severe and require hospitalization or it can be minor and work itself out. One of the biggest threats is Ovarian Torsion - that's right...twisted ovaries (awesome) which can have all sorts of crazy, horrible and irreversible side effects. So as I read the plethora of horror stories on the internet, I am doing my best to remain calm, to "relax" and reassure myself that this is NOT my diagnosis but I'll chat with Dr. Katz about that to confirm. I'm starting to become a bit of a hypochondriac now too...(relax Kelly, relax, relax....)

3rd Time's a Charm???? (Day #1 of the 2ww)

So fate was in our favor and our IUI was scheduled for this morning - hooray, we didn't have to cut our little vacay short! We had the best time being AWAY and disconnected from most of the world for a few days. Unfortunately the shots made me pretty darn uncomfortable for the last day or two of the trip but nothing unmanageable - try to imagine having =water balloons inserted into your abdomen...that's sort of what it feels like. Squishy and icky and kind of sore on top of the nausea from my Metformin. This did not keep me from wolfing down some s'mores made with Nutella - if you haven't tried this heavenly combination, you should do so immediately!!!! (Trader Joe's Graham Crackers + Nutella (the more, the better) + a nice toasty jumbo marshmallow...or as my friend Janie's sweet little girl Claire calls them "marsh-a-mallows" - delicious, delicious, delicious and you don't have to wait for your chocolate bar to melt...YUMMMM-O!)

I only had one MINOR meltdown (I say it was minor, the Italian might say differently...he made the mistake of making a remark about what the hormones are doing to my temperment at the beginning of said meltdown...needless to say that took me from a 2 up to a 10 rather quickly - sidenote to ANY men out there who may have stumbled across this post...do NOT, I repeat NOT under any circumstances EVER make reference to a woman's hormones (undergoing fertility or not) - you will not win this argument). Any way, the doc's office called on Friday afternoon, only an hour after we had been in Boone to let me know that I'd need to take an Ovidrel shot on Sunday evening. I didn't have an Ovidrel shot with me as I hadn't been given a prescription for one this month yet, so had to begin an easter egg hunt all over Boone and Blowing Rock in order to find a pharmacy that would be able to get one. Apparently there aren't many infertile women in the mountains...after 2 hours on the phone with about 10 different pharmacists, the sweetest pharmacist at Boone Drug spent an hour calling all of their locations and finally the hospital in order to get it rush ordered in! Thank to Boone Drug! If they had a location here in Charlotte, I'd be a customer for life!!!!

So anyway, the Italian and I had to go in to REACH at 7am this morning for my blood work and his "donation" - then we were back at 11am for the procedure. We are feeling hopeful, the doc said that according to the numbers, the timing could not have worked out better - probably performed the actual procedure minutes before my actual ovulation time according to my progesterone levels. And the Italian's swimmers were awesome...more than 15 million (normal is 10 mil) - he was very proud of his contribution. :)

Unfortunately, the doc said that even though everything so far is lined up perfectly, there are no guarantees...at this point, it's totally a God thing. So I'm going to let go and let God handle this from here.

So today is officially day #1 of my least favorite period of time...the two week wait (2ww). June 14th is the date that we'll know something. We can't take a test before then due to the hormones in the injections that I've been taking (they'll show a false positive and I don't want to get excited about something that "isn't").

And I got an email today letting me know that my blog as been listed on the Stirrup Queen's Completely Anal List of Blogs That Proves That She Really Missed Her Calling as a Personal Organizer Blogroll: http://www.stirrup-queens.com/a-whole-lot-of-blogging-brought-to-you-sorted-and-filed/ If you or someone you know is searching for more real life stories about infertility and/or success stories, the Stirrup Queen's blog will keep you busy for weeks!!!!

Prayers are appreciated - prayers for patience, prayers for peace and prayers for a BFP on June 14th!!!! BFP = Big Fat POSITIVE :)

Cheers!